Reflections on 7 weeks…

If someone would have asked me 8 weeks ago if I would seriously consider never drinking again, I would have laughed in their face. I would have said that everyone has a vice, and mine is booze. And my rationale would have been- hey, at least I’m not a smoker or a drug addict, right? Silly me. These last 7 weeks have opened my eyes completely. It’s overwhelming to think of where I stand right now and how quickly the fog has lifted.

My life revolved around drinking. I have a close set of friends that are hard partying drinkers, and every other day (who am I kidding? every day) there was an excuse to drink. Long day at work? Drink. Friend working at a bar, can get us free drinks? Drink. Going to work? Drink. At work (I am a cater waiter and it’s kind of a sub culture for people to get drunk at events while working)? Drink. Going shopping? Drink! Going to the movies? Drink! Getting ready to go out? Drink! Hanging out at home watching TV? Drink! Bring a roadie full of booze anywhere and everywhere (you can drink on the subway and always take an uber home). No one will know. Not even that I was getting drunk all of these times, it was just a full blown habit, a routine developed over the last 7 years. On vacation? Drink e-ver-y-day. And I was completely okay with this for a long time. My hubby and I had a running joke that we were functioning alcoholics. But- not really. Well guess what? I suppose we are.

When I was struggling to try to actually stop drinking, Lent was the only way that I could get my head around not drinking everyday. If I could make it through Lent, that would mean that there was no problem, and I could go back to drinking, but way less than before. That was the original plan. And then I started to google. God bless the internet. Just google “sober for Lent”, and then fall down the rabbit hole. Soon I started finding all of the sober blogs, and I devoured each and every one of them. I started reading books: This Naked Mind, Kick the Drink Easily, The Easy Way for women to stop Drinking, Integral Recovery. I started to find a sober community on instagram, of people who were choosing the #drylife. People who hadn’t necessarily hit a bottom, but wanted to make a change before they inevitably got there. And people who had hit their bottom, and had to make a change. And over these last seven weeks I feel like now that I’ve seen what’s out there, now that I’ve had my eyes opened, I can’t close them again. And instead of dread, or a feeling of loss, I feel very hopeful, like I have a second chance at so many things. To stop hiding in a glass and start living, even if it scares me to get to know who I am without a dark & stormy in my hand…

3 thoughts on “Reflections on 7 weeks…

  1. Life is so much better sober! Drinking is such an all-consuming past time and at the end you really have nothing to show for it except a hangover and lots of regrets and excuses about dreams unpursued and tasks left undone. xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Way to go on successfully making seven weeks! Know what you mean… always a reason or a season that could be used to justify the booze. Oh the lame ass logic of a drinker!
    Keep up the great work 🙋🏽🦋💙

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s